Cat Tales

Long time since I posted, mainly because I have been busy or lazy or both. Now that holidays have started I plan to concentrate my energy on reviving this blog. It’s been an interminably long trimester interspersed with some fun and some horrifying things like Bear watching paapi chulo again in rapt attention (she ensures that she plays it when I’m around…she even comes to my room and plays in on my laptop!).

Since I’m back in Delhi I’m looking forward to doing nothing mostly, watching House and Boston Legal, reading a bit and catching up with friends, one of whom has threatened to drag me to ‘Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani’ (seriously why can’t Ranbir Kapoor find a role that’s different from last three?!! All his movies look the same!). I really want to see ‘Inglorious Basterds’ but no one wants to give me company since I’m probably the last person to see it :(

The sad news that I got when I got home is that cat ran away…she was always a dumb creature and I wasn’t particularly attached to her but it’s nice to have a cat in the garden even though it’s completely useless and couldn’t catch a mouse even if you threw it at her face….she is (hopefully) a good cat…stupid but affectionate…I hope the life of a stray that she’s chosen after living this luxurious life (my mom used to give her milk, bread and eggs every morning even before she gave us food and this is just breakfast) proves to be full of adventure and she finds what she’s looking for in her cat life…so here’s to you cat (raises glass)…hope you’re happy…we’ll miss you but I’m sure we’ll find another one :P

Midriff Mania

Last night was well spent watching a gult* movie (with subtitles obviously) with gultrao and roomie. Now I will not mention the movie name because a)it may offend gults who love this movie and there are quite an alarming number I’m told (b) will be fun if u guess (brownie points to be earned!). Now a classmate of mine (a gult one at that…not surprising) highly recommended the movie and actually gave the CD to my roomie because both of us make a lot of fun of gult cinema and their obsession with a woman’s midriff. So, in order to clarify that not all gult cinema was about the midriff, it asked to watch this film. It was a good thing because we no longer think that gult cinema is just about the midriff. We KNOW.

All songs were mostly devoted to the midriff of the gyrating heroine though other “parts” appeared in cameos like when the hero gently patted the heroine’s posterior and she blushes (!!). Apart from the close-ups of the midriff, there were a lot of great dialogues thrown in which added so much depth to the plot like how a family without a man is looked down upon (yes you read that right!). There was something for everyone…even S&M even if you’re into that. There is also this hot, pouting gangster’s moll who really wants to jump in the sack with our hero. The hero by the way won me over when he said “girls are like excess baggage”. But apart from shooting some 100 people (and impaling 2), he was quite a sweet boy. A bit misguided but sweet (or “swit” as rakhi would put it).

All these elements, as you might have guessed, made for a fine evening though by the end of it gultrao was a bit squeamish about her gult background. But I would say it made for awesome entertainment. I wish I could recommend it to you but if I tell you the movie’s name I won’t be blogging no more because the gults won’t spare me. Everything said I will hasten to add, gults you are a great community, wonderful people and I truly love your culture and great tradition of cinema :D

*telugu people

Book-stealers burn in HELL!

Right now I am very very agitated…and those who know me will vouch that it is indeed a rare happening. So, the fact that I am agitated/frustrated/really mad means something grave has happened. And it HAS!

People who know me well will also tell you how much I hate/detest/wish to impale book borrowers who don’t return books. They are, according to me, the scum of the universe (fellow bibliophiles would agree). They are the kind of people who should be lined up and shot. A pity that they no longer allow public hangings because the perpetrators of these crimes deserve nothing less.

I could really go on and on once I get started on punishments for book-stealers and let me assure you, I can get very creative (suggestions are welcome!)…anyway I won’t go into descriptions because I want the world to know about this @%#$* who stole my books some 2 years ago! It disappeared completely after taking 3 of my books…disappeared as in changed address and phone number…I think it did all this to throw me off track. But I found it…I tracked it down and found its phone number after 2 years (yes I am psychotic when it comes to books). I called it and asked it to return my books. After much dilly-dallying it messaged me asking for my address so it can courier the books to me. I told it the address and said I hoped the books were in a decent condition. A sms war ensued where among other things it told me that I should be grateful that it did not lose those books or pass it on to someone else (!!!). It said a lot of which I’m not going to recount but all the whole it was very pissing off apart from the fact that the messages themselves gave me a headache because of the atrocious spelling and grammar.

Now since this whole episode I’ve been having rather gory dreams as to what I would do to the said book-stealer who had the audacity to be so unapologetic and bitchy. If you have any interesting ideas do let me know.

I’m so glad I got this out of my system!

Un-Bear-able days

My good friend, Bear (as this friend shall henceforth be known for reasons I will be illustrating in good time), has decided to pay me a rather long visit over the weekend and has comfortably settled into my room. Now I haven’t spoken to Bear since it’s arrival because it slept from 12 am to 12 pm. I tried to make it wake up but it was of no avail and it positively looked liked a bear in hibernation under all the layers of the tattered blanket. Thus, the name.

Anyway since Bear awoke it has been amusing me with its bearisms which include, among other things, watching this strange video on utube called “Younis Jani-Papi Chulo”, which has a weird man singing and the background score is composed of rhythmic orgasmic noises made by a woman and many ugly men with long hair gyrating their hips to these moans. Bear was completely engrossed in this video and insisted on playing it loudly much to my discomfort. The scary part in this whole ordeal is that Bear seems to actually LIKE this song…not in the manner that you and I would watch a lame video and make fun of it…NO….Bear actually takes pleasure in it and keeps replaying it. I’ve already heard it TWICE and I’m afraid it’s not the last time (shudders).

Moving towards more saner aspects of my life, I just finished Remains of the Day by Ishiguro (much to the consternation of another friend (who I haven’t named yet) because it wanted to finish the book first…be assured this friend will be figuring on the blog soon) and it’s just awesome. I was also able to strike off another book on the BBC book list which is the latest fad on FB. Now everyone KNOWS I’m not the average book reader and that’s the point right.

Ps I think I’ve used too much caps lock in this post. You can attribute this to the fact that my otherwise vegetative lifestyle has been thrown into a tizzy since Bear’s advent and the constant incomings of neighbouring freaks, who will be dealt with in future posts. Till then I plan to curl up in corner and read and try to shut out as much as possible of the freaks surrounding me…as you might assume this is a tough task indeed…wish me luck!

Pps Anyone who wishes to confirm the identity of Bear, please don’t comment on the blog and just communicate with me privately…also Bear please don’t expose your identity on the blog…I wish, for both our sakes, for it to remain secret.

Talk about pleasing the Gods

In Patna, naked women are ploughing the fields in a bid to embarrass the rain Gods into bringing some rain.* The report further reads

“This is the most trusted social custom in the area and the villagers have vowed to continue this practice until it rains very heavily.”

Sounds funny at first but it is actually quite disturbing to think that these women have to shed their clothes in front of the whole village. Methinks that this custom is more an opportunity for the men to enjoy the skin show than bring rain. Wonder what the success rate is…

*news courtesy LB

Vile-ing away time

I just finished reading Perfume by Patrick Suskind and loved it. It’s not like anything I’ve ever read before. Set in the 18th century France, the story revolves around Grenouille who is a misanthrope, born with a superhuman olfactory sense. His purpose in life is to create the greatest scent in the world which leads him through a series of macabre incidents culminating in what I thought was the perfect (weird but perfect) ending.

What makes the book such a fascinating read is the lead character’s complete lack of morality…he does not even understand the meaning of words “God”, “morals”, “truth” etc., nor does he want to. The tone is non-judgmental throughout…never does the author attempt to create a sense of sympathy for Grenouille, who is a truly despicable character. What the author does accomplish is to make the book intriguing. Grenouille’s character is such that even while committing the most heinous crimes, the author and he are completely unapologetic and are not plagued by remorse subsequently. Apart from the lead character, the book is very rich in its descriptions of scents and landscapes. Other characters, though not occupying too much space, have been etched out well and serve their purpose.

Because I loved the book so much, I really wanted to see the movie. I haven’t got round to seeing it yet but I can’t say I’m as excited since I found out that Ben Whishaw (you may remember him from “I’m Not There”) is playing Grenouille which is ludicrous to anyone who has read the book. Grenouille is supposed to be ugly as hell and here we have Whishaw who looks quite cute. I also have a horrible feeling they would’ve changed quite a few things from the book to make it more Hollywoodesque like maybe a romantic angle. If that happens then it would change the character fundamentally and it would all be pointless. Then again I shouldn’t be so presumptuous before actually seeing the movie.

Anyway I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for something different from the usual riff raff…it’s not too long and worth your time.

Freak Show

I’m not embarrassed to admit that I love “Rakhi ka Swayamvar”. It is by far the most entertaining show in recent times. Shows like Big Boss don’t even come close to the awesomeness of Rakhi and Co. I was glad to find that there are many Rakhi lovers in law school but then again who wouldn’t love her. She’s “byootiful” and “swit” by her own admission. Playing the role of bhartiya naari to the T, she keeps her eyes fastened on the ground, looks coy and demure (well at least she tries…give her a break!).

I knew I was going to be addicted to the show when I saw the very first episode. My favourite scene from the first episode is when a guy comes in and sees that Rakhi and he are wearing the same colour and says, “Sam colour! Umazzzing!!” (same colour! amazing!!). Other memorable moments include one where Rakhi was positively outraged (like any moral Indian woman would be) when she was offered Bacardi. There are way too many precious moments like these to recount, so I urge you, Blog reader, to see it if you haven’t already. I’m crossing my fingers for a season 2 or maybe an Indian version of “Newlyweds” with Rakhi and her husband (my bet is on Elesh). So what if all this is probably a PR agenda and most of the grooms are hired actors, that doesn’t take away from how much fun this show is!

I’m wondering what will fill the void once Rakhi gets married. Maybe “Sach ka Samna” or even “Iss Jungle se mujhe bachao”.

Of transvestites and trailers

I was wondering which freak I should introduce first and only one name came to my head. I was tempted to save him for sometime later but I can’t think of a better way to begin.

For convenience we are going to call him JC. He used to live in the same row as my old house in Delhi. Now all first floor houses had terraces which were interconnected…you could just jump over a low wall to reach the next terrace. Most people would hang their laundry on the terraces (this is all relevant!). Our man JC had an affinity for clothes and not just any clothes. His area of interest was female clothing. So on many a lazy Sundays when most people do their laundry, JC would be waiting and watching…he could see pink from a mile away! When he is sure that no one was around he would start jumping from terrace to terrace, in search of that perfect outfit. He was my mother’s worst nightmare…the smallest thud on the terrace was enough to set alarm bells ringing. If we were lucky enough to catch him in the act, then we would find him wearing a salwar kameez or even tops which were a dozen sizes too small for him. So many Sundays spent chasing about JC….those were the days…

In his defence he was slightly cuckoo and I don’t think his parents ever bothered to take care of him much. His father specially was a little off the rocker himself and pulled children’s noses (yes! no typo) and would go to the market with mehendi on his scant hair with a polythene covering his head! Like I said, those were the days…

Moving away from JC and Co., I cannot stop raving about the Time Traveller’s Wife movie trailer (link below). It looks awesome…and Eric Bana is as cute as ever, though I’m not completely happy with the casting of Rachel McAdams. Among other trailers which look promising is My Sister’s Keeper. Keeping my fingers crossed that these movies release soon in India.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2566717977/

Welcome!

I never thought I would ever blog mainly because I'm the most indolent person I know (maybe not the most). Anyway the reason I decided to start blogging was because I know way too many freaks. I'm sure you all know your fair share of freaks too but in my conversations with many people, I've discovered I know an unhealthy number of them. Since most of the freaks I know are very entertaining, or mildly amusing at their worst, I felt I must share it with others. So you'll get to know about my transvestite ex-neighbour, chaddi man from next door among many others. Hopefully it wouldn't be as torturous for you to read about these freaks as knowing them was for me.

ps Though this blog is dedicated to the freaks I know/have known, I will also be writing about things that i find interesting like shopping, good restaurants, movies etc.