Book-stealers burn in HELL!

Right now I am very very agitated…and those who know me will vouch that it is indeed a rare happening. So, the fact that I am agitated/frustrated/really mad means something grave has happened. And it HAS!

People who know me well will also tell you how much I hate/detest/wish to impale book borrowers who don’t return books. They are, according to me, the scum of the universe (fellow bibliophiles would agree). They are the kind of people who should be lined up and shot. A pity that they no longer allow public hangings because the perpetrators of these crimes deserve nothing less.

I could really go on and on once I get started on punishments for book-stealers and let me assure you, I can get very creative (suggestions are welcome!)…anyway I won’t go into descriptions because I want the world to know about this @%#$* who stole my books some 2 years ago! It disappeared completely after taking 3 of my books…disappeared as in changed address and phone number…I think it did all this to throw me off track. But I found it…I tracked it down and found its phone number after 2 years (yes I am psychotic when it comes to books). I called it and asked it to return my books. After much dilly-dallying it messaged me asking for my address so it can courier the books to me. I told it the address and said I hoped the books were in a decent condition. A sms war ensued where among other things it told me that I should be grateful that it did not lose those books or pass it on to someone else (!!!). It said a lot of which I’m not going to recount but all the whole it was very pissing off apart from the fact that the messages themselves gave me a headache because of the atrocious spelling and grammar.

Now since this whole episode I’ve been having rather gory dreams as to what I would do to the said book-stealer who had the audacity to be so unapologetic and bitchy. If you have any interesting ideas do let me know.

I’m so glad I got this out of my system!

Un-Bear-able days

My good friend, Bear (as this friend shall henceforth be known for reasons I will be illustrating in good time), has decided to pay me a rather long visit over the weekend and has comfortably settled into my room. Now I haven’t spoken to Bear since it’s arrival because it slept from 12 am to 12 pm. I tried to make it wake up but it was of no avail and it positively looked liked a bear in hibernation under all the layers of the tattered blanket. Thus, the name.

Anyway since Bear awoke it has been amusing me with its bearisms which include, among other things, watching this strange video on utube called “Younis Jani-Papi Chulo”, which has a weird man singing and the background score is composed of rhythmic orgasmic noises made by a woman and many ugly men with long hair gyrating their hips to these moans. Bear was completely engrossed in this video and insisted on playing it loudly much to my discomfort. The scary part in this whole ordeal is that Bear seems to actually LIKE this song…not in the manner that you and I would watch a lame video and make fun of it…NO….Bear actually takes pleasure in it and keeps replaying it. I’ve already heard it TWICE and I’m afraid it’s not the last time (shudders).

Moving towards more saner aspects of my life, I just finished Remains of the Day by Ishiguro (much to the consternation of another friend (who I haven’t named yet) because it wanted to finish the book first…be assured this friend will be figuring on the blog soon) and it’s just awesome. I was also able to strike off another book on the BBC book list which is the latest fad on FB. Now everyone KNOWS I’m not the average book reader and that’s the point right.

Ps I think I’ve used too much caps lock in this post. You can attribute this to the fact that my otherwise vegetative lifestyle has been thrown into a tizzy since Bear’s advent and the constant incomings of neighbouring freaks, who will be dealt with in future posts. Till then I plan to curl up in corner and read and try to shut out as much as possible of the freaks surrounding me…as you might assume this is a tough task indeed…wish me luck!

Pps Anyone who wishes to confirm the identity of Bear, please don’t comment on the blog and just communicate with me privately…also Bear please don’t expose your identity on the blog…I wish, for both our sakes, for it to remain secret.

Vile-ing away time

I just finished reading Perfume by Patrick Suskind and loved it. It’s not like anything I’ve ever read before. Set in the 18th century France, the story revolves around Grenouille who is a misanthrope, born with a superhuman olfactory sense. His purpose in life is to create the greatest scent in the world which leads him through a series of macabre incidents culminating in what I thought was the perfect (weird but perfect) ending.

What makes the book such a fascinating read is the lead character’s complete lack of morality…he does not even understand the meaning of words “God”, “morals”, “truth” etc., nor does he want to. The tone is non-judgmental throughout…never does the author attempt to create a sense of sympathy for Grenouille, who is a truly despicable character. What the author does accomplish is to make the book intriguing. Grenouille’s character is such that even while committing the most heinous crimes, the author and he are completely unapologetic and are not plagued by remorse subsequently. Apart from the lead character, the book is very rich in its descriptions of scents and landscapes. Other characters, though not occupying too much space, have been etched out well and serve their purpose.

Because I loved the book so much, I really wanted to see the movie. I haven’t got round to seeing it yet but I can’t say I’m as excited since I found out that Ben Whishaw (you may remember him from “I’m Not There”) is playing Grenouille which is ludicrous to anyone who has read the book. Grenouille is supposed to be ugly as hell and here we have Whishaw who looks quite cute. I also have a horrible feeling they would’ve changed quite a few things from the book to make it more Hollywoodesque like maybe a romantic angle. If that happens then it would change the character fundamentally and it would all be pointless. Then again I shouldn’t be so presumptuous before actually seeing the movie.

Anyway I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for something different from the usual riff raff…it’s not too long and worth your time.